A News Story From The Future

May 28th, 2023

WASHINGTON -- The gravest constitutional crisis in American history shows no signs of resolution, as President Ted Cruz refused yet again to step down earlier this evening.

"The people elected me. I'm not leaving," Cruz said in a televised address. "I've broken no crimes. Every single action I've taken as president has followed the letter and the spirit of the law -- and no illegitimate vote from Congress can change that."

Cruz added some of the rhetorical flourishes which helped him ascend to the nation's highest office.

"I'm not leaving on a boat, I'm not leaving on a float," Cruz said.

Three weeks after the Senate voted to remove him following impeachment proceedings, Democratic lawmakers have begun to appeal to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, hoping that the military may be able to resolve the situation, which has shaken American politics and law to its core.

On May 5, the House voted to initiate impeachment proceedings, claiming that Cruz's use of the 14th Amendment to slash government spending and shutter five Cabinet departments -- including Education, Housing and Urban Development, and Energy -- was a violation of Constitutional Law.

Cruz eliminated the departments after vetoing a debt ceiling increase passed by Congress. Attorney General Louie Gohmert claimed the 14th Amendment gave Cruz the power to slash expenditures to avoid a default on U.S. debt, even though they had been appropriated by Congress. Gohmert cited President Barack Obama's use of the 14th Amendment to borrow over what Congress had authorized in October of 2013. In that case, Congress failed to pass a debt limit hike despite the risk of default.

Why Policitians Should--Have To--Be Paid During A Shutdown

You've probably heard by now that one of the weird and outrageous little quirks of a government shutdown is that, while hundreds of thousands of public servants struggle to make ends meet, paychecks for members of Congress will still arrive right on time.

Why does this happen? More importantly, why is this allowed to happen? Why on Earth hasn't Congress passed a bill ensuring that senators and representatives--earning $174,000 a year--are in the same boat as rank-and-file employees.

You'd agree with that law. I agree with that law. I have a hard time imaging any sort of argument against that law. But it turns out writing a law like that is surprisingly difficult, and would likely be more trouble than it's worth. For better or worse, it's preferable to keep the paychecks for politicians coming.

First of all, the reason why. Others have already done a great job explaining this, so I'll just give the quick Reader's Digest version.

A shutdown is a failure of the government to pass a yearly appropriations bill. But congressional pay isn't part of the yearly appropriations bill. This is for two reasons:

Why Jim Gordon Will Be Like Jimmy McNulty

What to make of the news that Fox plans to produce a prequel show about Batman ally Commissioner Gordon, entitled "Gotham?"

I thought about it. And thought about it some more. And the more I thought about it, the more I was intrigued. And the more I thought about Jimmy McNulty. Let me explain.

Jim Gordon is tied with Bruce Wayne himself as the oldest Batman character--which is to say, both he and Wayne are in the very first panel of "Detective Comics #27," the first-ever Batman story.

He isn't, typically, the central character, however--although he does find himself close to the action in some of the most beloved Batman stories. Alan Moore's seminal "The Killing Joke," for instance, focuses on the Joker's attempts to drive Gordon mad through horrific attacks on his daughter. And Frank Miller's iconoclastic, transformative "Batman: Year One" is often told from Gordon's perspective, as he navigates a crime-ridden, pre-Batman Gotham.

No, Debt Ceiling Standoffs Aren't Unprecedented

"You have never in the history of the United States seen the threat of not raising the debt ceiling to extort a president or a governing party." -- President Barack Obama, Sept. 18, at the Business Roundtable

Obama's statement is sorta like saying fish are always found in the water -- it's mostly true and helpful without being literally true. (Some fish live most of their lives on the land.)

In this case, the problem with Obama's statement is a past Congress has demanded concessions from a past president--and the president gave in. A little bit.

It gets lost a bit in the shadow of the much more serious budget showdown of '95, but there was also a debt ceiling showdown in '96. You had the same ingredients--blustery ultimatums and calls for drastic government cuts.

But ultimately, the Republicans were bought pretty cheap. In March of 1996 a debt ceiling hike was passed, which included two items from the Contract for America, including the Congressional Review Act, which made it a tad easier for Congress to strike down executive branch regulations. (You can read more about this here.)

You could argue that the latter part was just some window dressing to make the Republicans' capitulation, after their threats, taste better going down.

All the Unhappy Bat-Families

It wasn't because she was gay that Batwoman was denied matrimonial bliss, DC Comics co-publisher Dan Didio said on Saturday. It's because DC is against weddings. Or, specifically, Bat-weddings.

For those unfamiliar with the recent controversy, two writers for the Eisner-nominated Batwoman monthly series, J.H. Williams and W. Haden Blackman, recently quit in protest of what they claimed was constant last-minute meddling by DC Comics editors. Among the list of complaints--they were not allowed to show Batwoman, aka Kate Kane, actually marry her lesbian partner, (to whom she already was engaged to, in the issue "Batwoman #17"). This news spiraled into a controversy for DC--already reeling from the recent Orson Scott Card fiasco--and led to heated denunciations and, according to Williams, threats of violence towards specific DC publishers.

Speaking at a panel at the Baltimore Comic-Con to a few hundred DC fans Saturday morning, DiDio strongly denied that their decisions had anything to do with Kane's sexuality. Rather, it had to do with their philosophy about the nature of characters with the prefix "Bat." Since 2011's New 52 reboot, DC has maintained that characters in the Batfamily--(Batman, Batgirl, Batwoman, Batwing, Nightwing, etc.)--do not have "happy personal lives," DiDio said.

"They put on a cape and a cowl for a reason," he said. "They're committed to defending others, at the sacrifice of all their own personal instincts."

2013 Fantasy Football Team #2

QB: Cam Newton
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Victor Cruz
RB: Jamaal Charles
RB: Darren McFadden
W/R: James Jones
TE: Tony Gonzalez
K: Justin Tucker
D/ST: Denver
BN: Michael Vick
BN: Rashard Mendenhall
BN: Lance Moore
BN: Kenny Britt
BN: Bryce Brown
BN: Vick Ballard

11 Pics Of Batman Reacting To The News About #Baffleck

When Warner Brothers announced on August 22 that Ben Affleck -- the actor/director best known for playing jovial Boston brahs, lame Marvel action heroes and gangsters who inhabit the worst movie of all time -- would play Batman in 2015, the reaction on Twitter was immediate and furious.

But the ferocity of the Twitter-storm was nothing compared to the reaction of the Caped Crusader himself when he got the news.

We visited some of the DC's 52 universes and caught a few pics of the Dark Knight as he absorbed the news....